Letting go

A sea of forgetting filled with waves of memories

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

I see you now 

It’s not a coincidence that every time you come around I put myself in a box and keep everyone out 
I shut down and hide away. 

Take space 
But it’s only from you that I need to hide. 

You’re the monster who always makes me feel small. Makes me doubt myself and build my walls  

When I let you in. I keep everyone out. 

Start feeling like the monster myself 

You are the wickedest form

Disguising yourself as love when it’s only evils you create and fear that you instil 

You come near and I shrink 

I become small 

I become moldable. Allowing you to make me into whatever you see best. Or whatever you make me believe. Whatever you want me to see 
The monsters are always the ones you least suspect 

But I’ve let you climb into my sheets and into my head. One too many times now. Now I know your layout. I know the roads and paths that make up your map. I know who you are.

 I see behind your beautiful brown eyes and into your dark soul 

toxic

Still love you and cant get away from the thoughts of you. Not even stuck on what we were, just stuck on who you are. Never really knew. Still don’t, but don’t seem to care. Whatever it is, my brain is holding on tight. Wasn’t even happy, don’t even want to go back. Enigma– still don’t have a clue. But I want to want to want you. Clearly on a pedestal. Thought so much of you, wanted you so badly to come through, change my life, and make me something more. Open up another world of doors. What a shame, what kind of monster I became. How could you have changed a thing when I was never going to let you in. Never really showing through, never making it easy for you. Hush now though, its all okay, I never loved you anyway.

right?

Seeping through, seeping through. Make me someone new.. make me someone new. Show me what I can do. Make it lighter, make it faster, make it more insane, open up my brain, turn me on, turn the power on. Drive fast or take it slow, show me the way to another road. How insane, how insane, now you still wont leave my brain.

and I still don’t know 

and still wont show 

and now there’s no more love for us to grow

unsent/unread love letters

I know there is nothing that I could say but I thought you should know how much of a shame it is that we ended up this way. and I still don’t like what I had become, or the way I treated you- the one that I loved. And it was so sad to ruin us. And I cant take it back or spend my time wishing it so. But I hope to god that you can forgive, or that you already did. Or that I can move past this and stop wishing away, and wasting my days, and soaking you up with all the thoughts in my brain.

And there is really nothing I can say,  just want you to know I didn’t want to leave you that way, and I wanted you to stay, and I didn’t mean to hurt you that way. And I never believed you, and i’m sorry for that. That’s my issue and you have yours, and I don’t know if we could’ve worked them out but I know sure as hell that I could have tried more. But I hope your okay and I love you all the same, any other way.