While I was doing tarot readings to see where we stood, Asking you why you never texted me goodnight? Asking if you we’re really too busy where you were

It was always “work”. But it was always her.

Don’t go to the next when you’re still on your ex,

you said, “She’s in a box”, i don’t even think about her,

I said “are you sure?”

I said “are you sure?”

And then maybe 100x more I said, “are you sure?”


Cause I was sure you weren’t,

And you weren’t.


A year and a half,

That’s how long it took for you to have the courage, no the decency, no the respect to tell me the truth

A year and a half, that’s how long it took for you to be honest with yourself that the box you spoke so fondly of, was always see-through,

And you were always looking in,

Matter of fact, the lid was wide open,

Memories constantly spilling out and you let them, you flooded your brain with them


I know cause I did the same for you, with you, all the time

I was with you. But you were never mine,


I said to my friend “Something just doesn’t feel right, I feel it in my gut,

I feel closed in; like i can’t breathe, like i’m trapped”


“She’s in a box”, trust me

Turns out that ‘she’ was me

Only mine was closed tight with no visiting thoughts or wandering eyes, no see through windows, no effort to open, no will to unfold





breathe out

–you’ve been holding your breath for too long

accept the feeling

accept the loss of control

it’s not yours to worry about anymore

no more wondering

no more banging and scratching on the door

breath out,


let go of the handle

turn around and see what you’ve been missing out


you see? you’ve made it to a new place now and you can finally rest,

turn away from that door, take a look around

this is it, this is your new home,

this is closure

When you know you know (lol)

So it was always her. And I was always right. Right in the worst way. When you want so badly to be wrong. Guess I was always a rebound or a stepping stone to lead you back home. And your home is her and my home is empty searching for peace within the mess of all this. the mess of the lies and the things we tell ourselves so we can sleep at night. And I still dream of you and play future movies in my head. What a fucking delusion thinking we were meant to be what a fictional story what ironic hypocrisy. Guess love really does make you blind. Guess tonight’s the night I leave you behind.

I see you now 

It’s not a coincidence that every time you come around I put myself in a box and keep everyone out 
I shut down and hide away. 

Take space 
But it’s only from you that I need to hide. 

You’re the monster who always makes me feel small. Makes me doubt myself and build my walls  

When I let you in. I keep everyone out. 

Start feeling like the monster myself 

You are the wickedest form

Disguising yourself as love when it’s only evils you create and fear that you instil 

You come near and I shrink 

I become small 

I become moldable. Allowing you to make me into whatever you see best. Or whatever you make me believe. Whatever you want me to see 
The monsters are always the ones you least suspect 

But I’ve let you climb into my sheets and into my head. One too many times now. Now I know your layout. I know the roads and paths that make up your map. I know who you are.

 I see behind your beautiful brown eyes and into your dark soul 

unsent/unread love letters

I know there is nothing that I could say but I thought you should know how much of a shame it is that we ended up this way. and I still don’t like what I had become, or the way I treated you- the one that I loved. And it was so sad to ruin us. And I cant take it back or spend my time wishing it so. But I hope to god that you can forgive, or that you already did. Or that I can move past this and stop wishing away, and wasting my days, and soaking you up with all the thoughts in my brain.

And there is really nothing I can say,  just want you to know I didn’t want to leave you that way, and I wanted you to stay, and I didn’t mean to hurt you that way. And I never believed you, and i’m sorry for that. That’s my issue and you have yours, and I don’t know if we could’ve worked them out but I know sure as hell that I could have tried more. But I hope your okay and I love you all the same, any other way.