soulmates

cause we weren’t lovers, we were mirrors 

 

 

 

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your illness

im sorry i cant take it all away for you

or help you be stronger, or just be strong

i see her pain it takes up her whole face now

im sorry i cant take it away from her either

or from myself

i would take it from you

if i could

i would be the home for the sickness that subsides within you

and im sorry i get so angry

or for when i choose to look away

its just the pain can look so ugly

and sometimes it makes me afraid

im scared for you, for her, for me, for all of us

i would take it all from you, from her, from all of you and walk away with it, i would let it call me home.

if i could

im sorry that i cant

The night time tricks you into feeling lonely

So what if I still miss you at 2am
When the lights are dim
And it’s quiet enough for the thoughts to sink in

Not thoughts really. The feelings that weigh heavy on the heart get sent to the brain. The heart keeps beating but it doesn’t feel the same. Maybe half of it’s missing
Or maybe it’s just another day like when it was before you came. You’re  gone now anyway. And I wanted it this way- just taking a while for my heart to catch up, stop relishing and romanticizing the pain

 

The night time tricks you into feeling lonely

So what if I still miss you at 2am
When the lights are dim
And it’s quiet enough for the thoughts to sink in

Not thoughts really. The feelings that weigh heavy on the heart get sent to the brain. The heart keeps beating but it doesn’t feel the same. Maybe half of it’s missing
Or maybe it’s just another day like when it was before you came. Your gone now anyway. And I wanted it this way it’s just taking a while for my heart to catch up with my brain, stop relishing and romanticizing the pain

 

Delusional

While I was doing tarot readings to see where we stood, Asking you why you never texted me goodnight? Asking if you we’re really too busy where you were

It was always “work”. But it was always her.

Don’t go to the next when you’re still on your ex,

you said, “She’s in a box”, i don’t even think about her,

I said “are you sure?”

I said “are you sure?”

And then maybe 100x more I said, “are you sure?”

 

Cause I was sure you weren’t,

And you weren’t.

 

A year and a half,

That’s how long it took for you to have the courage, no the decency, no the respect to tell me the truth

A year and a half, that’s how long it took for you to be honest with yourself that the box you spoke so fondly of, was always see-through,

And you were always looking in,

Matter of fact, the lid was wide open,

Memories constantly spilling out and you let them, you flooded your brain with them

 

I know cause I did the same for you, with you, all the time

I was with you. But you were never mine,

 

I said to my friend “Something just doesn’t feel right, I feel it in my gut,

I feel closed in; like i can’t breathe, like i’m trapped”

————————————————————————————————————————

“She’s in a box”, trust me

Turns out that ‘she’ was me

Only mine was closed tight with no visiting thoughts or wandering eyes, no see through windows, no effort to open, no will to unfold

————————————————————————————————————————

closure

 

breathe out

–you’ve been holding your breath for too long

accept the feeling

accept the loss of control

it’s not yours to worry about anymore

no more wondering

no more banging and scratching on the door

breath out,

 

let go of the handle

turn around and see what you’ve been missing out

 

you see? you’ve made it to a new place now and you can finally rest,

turn away from that door, take a look around

this is it, this is your new home,

this is closure

When you know you know (lol)

So it was always her. And I was always right. Right in the worst way. When you want so badly to be wrong. Guess I was always a rebound or a stepping stone to lead you back home. And your home is her and my home is empty searching for peace within the mess of all this. the mess of the lies and the things we tell ourselves so we can sleep at night. And I still dream of you and play future movies in my head. What a fucking delusion thinking we were meant to be what a fictional story what ironic hypocrisy. Guess love really does make you blind. Guess tonight’s the night I leave you behind.