soulmates

cause we weren’t lovers, we were mirrors 

 

 

 

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your illness

im sorry i cant take it all away for you

or help you be stronger, or just be strong

i see her pain it takes up her whole face now

im sorry i cant take it away from her either

or from myself

i would take it from you

if i could

i would be the home for the sickness that subsides within you

and im sorry i get so angry

or for when i choose to look away

its just the pain can look so ugly

and sometimes it makes me afraid

im scared for you, for her, for me, for all of us

i would take it all from you, from her, from all of you and walk away with it, i would be its home.

 

 

NOTES TO SELF

fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.

Guilt and shame 

Don’t bury yourself in your own grave with all that guilt and shame.

If you slipped into the hole just try and climb out slow. Don’t stay in and let gravity win.

Don’t wait till you’re too weak to climb out or too scared to cry for help.

That guilt and shame is an awful mix and it’s so easy to get buried by it. So try and get out before the dirt hits.

mental(ity)

It’s hard to explain to people who don’t experience it themselves.

To feel a sense of accomplishment from going outside to walk the dog, or mustering up the courage get your nails done. The effort it takes some days to get out bed. How you get ready to go out but then can’t leave the house. Or how one day you wake up and you can’t go into work. And you can’t call cause you don’t know what to say. You lose jobs to it. You ignore the texts from everyone. They go from “Hey, where are you? to genuine concern and worry, until they turn to anger. And then you feel even worse. They say things like “Are you okay? this isn’t like you”.

But it is like me.

It’s just sometimes it’s worse. Sometimes I can contain it better and put it to the side; sometimes it eats me up whole and leaves behind a fragile body curled up in the bed staring at the wall.