NOTES TO SELF

fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.

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I can only write things about lost love.

i guess i blame myself

for never being myself

the one you would’ve loved, if you’d have gotten the chance to know

the one i never let show

you helped me feel though

i was numb for so long, you came along

even now i have trouble saying how i really feel or expressing myself completely

my love for you changed me

and you would never know, all the things i was feeling for you behind the blank eyes and closed lips, the amount of love for you that exists

if i had been free, been silly, been me….

would things have winded up differently?

you said you loved me, i think that you did, you loved what little part of me i was able to show

i wish you had waited or wanted more, i wish you had waited for me to show more,

if it was right…. i would’ve opened up right?

When you know you know (lol)

So it was always her. And I was always right. Right in the worst way. When you want so badly to be wrong. Guess I was always a rebound or a stepping stone to lead you back home. And your home is her and my home is empty searching for peace within the mess of all this. the mess of the lies and the things we tell ourselves so we can sleep at night. And I still dream of you and play future movies in my head. What a fucking delusion thinking we were meant to be what a fictional story what ironic hypocrisy. Guess love really does make you blind. Guess tonight’s the night I leave you behind.

all roads lead home

it feels so easy to slip off the track, the right path

all the sudden you’ve started going the wrong way, and you’re lost and confused and not sure how to get back

it’s not even noticeable when you start to step in the wrong direction, cause it happens so quick

ever look in the mirror and wonder who is looking back? 

I have and it’s happening now, I try to listen my internal compass to lead me back to myself

I can’t yet see which direction it points to bring me back home, I only see heaps of open roads…. which ones will keep leading me further away from myself, and which ones will lead me home? There’s no way to know

but that thought rings in my head “all roads lead home” so I take my first step, with a glimmer of hope.