Got us walking around in delusory states, constant consumption of artificial intake
The pain would split me in two if I let it. If I gave it access to my insides. Split me right open. Turn me inside out. Leave me no safe place to hide. I can feel it coming in around me. Closing in on me. I can feel it surrounding everything. When it feels hard to breath. When you turn the music up a little more loudly. All I know is suffering. I don’t want this suffering. All I know is suffering. Not this time. I won’t let you in. I won’t let you win. I don’t want to grieve anymore. I’m so tired of it. My body has dropped down on the floor, as I sit and write this. My body isn’t with me anymore.
Don’t take in so much noise that you drown out your own sound
I love you. I’m scared you’re going to die. And I’m scared that I’ll never say this to you before you do. I worry about being too dramatic. How pathetic is that? I worry more about being over dramatic— while you remain killing yourself every day. Playing Russian roulette with a crack pipe. Which line will be lethal? Which relapse will be the last time?
Love is re-birth
Stains all over my clothes
Stains all over my soul
The seriousness of it all is starting to swallow me again
The sadness is deceiving me again
I’m being consumed in my own me-ness again
The is-ness of everything
The everything-ness and the inevitable exhaustion
My heart aches for the world
My soul weeps
My tears fall down into a stream of seas
Do my sorrows aid in cleansing
Or do the worries add more weight
For us all to carry
For us all to break
Will we break
Or come out stronger
Will we sink
In the seas of our sorrow
I’m cold but I’m comforted
I sip my coffee, its warm but it tastes burnt
Shitty coffee… still works
I’m scared and I’m safe
I don’t trust anything that’s going on
But I trust everything because I trust god
I know beautiful things are going to happen.
I don’t know how.
I know lovely places exist… beyond the words I have to describe them with.
I don’t know where.
I know all the questions turn to answers and all the pieces start to fit.
I don’t know when.
I don’t know -when-what-where–how-why-
But I know it.