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i’m gonna mourn you tonight

gonna soak up every memory till it eats me alive

cause it just doesn’t feel right – to be apart tonight, or for the rest of my life

it doesn’t feel right.

 

so i’ll pretend you’re here with me – i’ll binge on a feast of our memories 

it’ll taste so bitter & so damn sweet 

forpoem

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connections

There are strings between you and some people that are stronger than others – you can even feel it when they start to miss you – feel the string tugging on your soul 

me vs me

So i find myself back in forth in battling thoughts – like WHY AREN’T YOU THERE YET!? – you know, the place you should be by now – why do you keep losing yourself on the way – and then you just forget where you’re going? Or get to the wrong place and decide you should stay? 

Then I breathe deep, oh honey- it’s okay- life is not a race and we all end up the same anyway, you want to enjoy the ride while your on it; not once you get off- so don’t be so bothered and pressured to be something you’re not. Or someone you’re not. And don’t feel so pressured to DO>DO>DO, it’s good that you’re one of the ones who knows how to pause; and breathe; and take things in and be still. this is all part of who you are and sometimes the path unveils itself just as you are (being who you are)

but get off your ass and start building more – you’re doing okay, but you could be doing so much more. It’s okay, just take a bit longer to rest and think it over – but don’t blame me when you run out of time – and your too far behind – you can’t see anyone anymore and you definitely can’t see the finish line-

but everyone reaches that line eventually – whether they like it or not – it’s about what you fill it with while you’re here from the start. Better just try to enjoy it – your time is so short – don’t let yourself get confused by these people screaming success down your throat – while they’re struggling and unhappy and LIFE IS SO SHORT – just don’t forget that; you may not be where you want to be- but at least you are here- and you ARE.

You are.

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feel it till it fades away

so its okay to not feel good, at least your feeling something

it’s okay to have a shit day, and blame yourself and focus on your pain- if you have to feel it, feel it all, feel it hard and feel it strong, because that’s the only way for the feeling not to stay

——– feel those awful things- the anger, shame, guilt, sorrow, regret, betrayal

don’t let them stay trapped in you- and trick you into becoming you -don’t let them build a home

the deeper you bury it- the longer they’ll stay – so feel it till it fades away 

 

the end. (the beginning)

I got tired of writing the same story over and over again…

Instead of re-reading it a thousand times over… changing titles; throwing away chapters;

I just threw the whole book away.

To start fresh. To start an entire new story

A new book of completely blank pages; all for me to fill