soulmates

cause we weren’t lovers, we were mirrors 

 

 

 

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your illness

im sorry i cant take it all away for you

or help you be stronger, or just be strong

i see her pain it takes up her whole face now

im sorry i cant take it away from her either

or from myself

i would take it from you

if i could

i would be the home for the sickness that subsides within you

and im sorry i get so angry

or for when i choose to look away

its just the pain can look so ugly

and sometimes it makes me afraid

im scared for you, for her, for me, for all of us

i would take it all from you, from her, from all of you and walk away with it, i would be its home.

 

 

The night time tricks you into feeling lonely

So what if I still miss you at 2am
When the lights are dim
And it’s quiet enough for the thoughts to sink in

Not thoughts really. The feelings that weigh heavy on the heart get sent to the brain. The heart keeps beating but it doesn’t feel the same. Maybe half of it’s missing
Or maybe it’s just another day like when it was before you came. You’re  gone now anyway. And I wanted it this way- just taking a while for my heart to catch up, stop relishing and romanticizing the pain

 

NOTES TO SELF

fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.fall in love with life like you’ve fallen in love with people. fall in love with yourself like you’ve fallen in love with other people.

I can only write things about lost love.

i guess i blame myself

for never being myself

the one you would’ve loved, if you’d have gotten the chance to know

the one i never let show

you helped me feel though

i was numb for so long, you came along

even now i have trouble saying how i really feel or expressing myself completely

my love for you changed me

and you would never know, all the things i was feeling for you behind the blank eyes and closed lips, the amount of love for you that exists

if i had been free, been silly, been me….

would things have winded up differently?

you said you loved me, i think that you did, you loved what little part of me i was able to show

i wish you had waited or wanted more, i wish you had waited for me to show more,

if it was right…. i would’ve opened up right?

The king

So now you have a nack for making people feel alone. With your selfishness and self righteousness and your dying need to sit upon your empty throne. While the booze fills your belly and the drugs fill your blood. While the sadness fills your soul and you keep wanting something more. You sit everyone down. A crowd to watch you fade away and fizzle out

when you k(no)w

So it was always her. And I was always right. Right in the worst way.  Guess I was always a rebound or a stepping stone to lead you back home. And your home is her and my home is empty searching for peace within the mess of all this. the mess of the lies and the things we tell ourselves so we can sleep at night. And I still dream of you and play future movies in my head. What a fucking delusion thinking we were meant to be what a fictional story what ironic hypocrisy. Guess love really does make you blind. Guess it’s time to leave you behind.