Alchemy

To turn the sadness and pain into something beautiful

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I see you now 

It’s not a coincidence that every time you come around I put myself in a box and keep everyone out 
I shut down and hide away. 

Take space 
But it’s only from you that I need to hide. 

You’re the monster who always makes me feel small. Makes me doubt myself and build my walls  

When I let you in. I keep everyone out. 

Start feeling like the monster myself 

You are the wickedest form

Disguising yourself as love when it’s only evils you create and fear that you instil 

You come near and I shrink 

I become small 

I become moldable. Allowing you to make me into whatever you see best. Or whatever you make me believe. Whatever you want me to see 
The monsters are always the ones you least suspect 

But I’ve let you climb into my sheets and into my head. One too many times now. Now I know your layout. I know the roads and paths that make up your map. I know who you are.

 I see behind your beautiful brown eyes and into your dark soul 

all roads lead home

it feels so easy to slip off the track, the right path

all the sudden you’ve started going the wrong way, and you’re lost and confused and not sure how to get back

it’s not even noticeable when you start to step in the wrong direction, cause it happens so quick

ever look in the mirror and wonder who is looking back? 

I have and it’s happening now, I try to listen my internal compass to lead me back to myself

I can’t yet see which direction it points to bring me back home, I only see heaps of open roads…. which ones will keep leading me further away from myself, and which ones will lead me home? There’s no way to know

but that thought rings in my head “all roads lead home” so I take my first step, with a glimmer of hope.