On expansion

Modern life

Got us walking around in delusory states, constant consumption of artificial intake

Denial

The pain would split me in two if I let it. If I gave it access to my insides. Split me right open. Turn me inside out. Leave me no safe place to hide. I can feel it coming in around me. Closing in on me. I can feel it surrounding everything. When it feels hard to breath. When you turn the music up a little more loudly. All I know is suffering. I don’t want this suffering. All I know is suffering. Not this time. I won’t let you in. I won’t let you win. I don’t want to grieve anymore. I’m so tired of it. My body has dropped down on the floor, as I sit and write this. My body isn’t with me anymore.

small town

My city is plagued with guilt. For all the souls it’s hollowed out and all the children it’s seen grow into sick adults. And all of the people who are bored. So damn bored. Bored out of their minds (they’re out of their minds). They’ll ingest every and any drug known to mankind. Just to FEEL. Oh they’re starving for something real. But keep feeding on artificial. And my city sees it. Sees it every day. And sleeps with it every night. Knowing it will never change. This is the town where every body stays the same. 

 

Your self

It can’t be found ‘cause it needs to be created

I love you. I’m scared you’re going to die. And I’m scared that I’ll never say this to you before you do. I worry about being too dramatic. How pathetic is that? I worry more about being over dramatic— while you remain killing yourself every day. Playing Russian roulette with a crack pipe. Which line will be lethal? Which relapse will be the last time?

Love is re-birth

dirty laundry

Stains all over my clothes

Stains all over my soul

My pain has tea with me, shares my breakfast, holds my hand

The emptiness that lives inside of me

it hurts to always feel like this. but it’s really more tiring than anything. Struggling to live. Like breathing doesn’t come naturally to you. Something you have to consciously think to do. And I don’t know if I’ve always been this way or when did it all start? It’s been so long now it’s hard for me to tell the years apart. I don’t know if it grew or if it was always there. this deep dark sinking despair. And I don’t know if I can shake it or ever set it free. For now I live with it. While it lives inside of me.