love/hate

I pray that I’m wrong about you

always prayin I’m wrong about you

every time I left

and every time I came back

Every time you come back around

I think maybe I was wrong

but then you shed a light on the truth that I hate

I don’t want to wait

I don’t want to wait

but here I am still waiting

waiting/hoping/begging to be wrong

 

 

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The king

So now you have a nack for making people feel alone. With your selfishness and self righteousness and your dying need to sit upon your empty throne. While the booze fills your belly and the drugs fill your blood. While the sadness fills your soul and you keep wanting something more. You sit everyone down. A crowd to watch you fade away and fizzle out

When you know you know (lol)

So it was always her. And I was always right. Right in the worst way. When you want so badly to be wrong. Guess I was always a rebound or a stepping stone to lead you back home. And your home is her and my home is empty searching for peace within the mess of all this. the mess of the lies and the things we tell ourselves so we can sleep at night. And I still dream of you and play future movies in my head. What a fucking delusion thinking we were meant to be what a fictional story what ironic hypocrisy. Guess love really does make you blind. Guess tonight’s the night I leave you behind.

I see you now 

It’s not a coincidence that every time you come around I put myself in a box and keep everyone out 
I shut down and hide away. 

Take space 
But it’s only from you that I need to hide. 

You’re the monster who always makes me feel small. Makes me doubt myself and build my walls  

When I let you in. I keep everyone out. 

Start feeling like the monster myself 

You are the wickedest form

Disguising yourself as love when it’s only evils you create and fear that you instil 

You come near and I shrink 

I become small 

I become moldable. Allowing you to make me into whatever you see best. Or whatever you make me believe. Whatever you want me to see 
The monsters are always the ones you least suspect 

But I’ve let you climb into my sheets and into my head. One too many times now. Now I know your layout. I know the roads and paths that make up your map. I know who you are.

 I see behind your beautiful brown eyes and into your dark soul 

toxic

Still love you and cant get away from the thoughts of you. Not even stuck on what we were, just stuck on who you are. Never really knew. Still don’t, but don’t seem to care. Whatever it is, my brain is holding on tight. Wasn’t even happy, don’t even want to go back. Enigma– still don’t have a clue. But I want to want to want you. Clearly on a pedestal. Thought so much of you, wanted you so badly to come through, change my life, and make me something more. Open up another world of doors. What a shame, what kind of monster I became. How could you have changed a thing when I was never going to let you in. Never really showing through, never making it easy for you. Hush now though, its all okay, I never loved you anyway.

right?

Seeping through, seeping through. Make me someone new.. make me someone new. Show me what I can do. Make it lighter, make it faster, make it more insane, open up my brain, turn me on, turn the power on. Drive fast or take it slow, show me the way to another road. How insane, how insane, now you still wont leave my brain.

and I still don’t know 

and still wont show 

and now there’s no more love for us to grow