new feelings.

So, this is what ambition feels like? It’s a little aggravating to say the least; to actually want something. To feel that burning. That desire. That hunger for life. For a life. For your life. The hunger to choose, to build, and design your life. But oh, the patience. The self-discipline. The never- ender supply of self-love that you must feed yourself.

Quiet them down

When the voices get too loud you must learn how to quiet them down. What works for me may not for you. But there’s somethings you can try to do:

Spin in a circle very fast. Dance around with music on blast . Stay very still. Be a statue. Breathe deep. then deeper. then even deeper than that.  

These voices can be loud. And it can be hard to drown them out. Or focus on anything else. But you gotta learn how to quiet them down. Don’t let them get so loud that you can’t hear anything else.

Sometimes they grow into other people. The naysayers. The people that tell you what you shouldn’t and you couldn’t and you mustn’t do. 

Drown them out just like the rest. Dance them out till you’re so dizzy you can’t hear them quite correct.

Do whatever you do. Whatever works for you. to quiet them down and tuck them away. help the voices grow quiet. So your soul can have a say

hurting me to help you.

You look at me as if I have all the answers or can solve all your problems for you at a whim. But you never listen. Here’s the thing. All your problems you could solve by yourself. But you don’t really want help. Just want to sink into yourself. And complain of how bad and awful and how horrid it is. And “look at how the world did me in! I didn’t deserve this! and how come I never win?”. But the sad truth is. You do it to yourself. Just like almost everyone else. And I know you’re never really asking me for help. And it hurts to play pretend so much so please just leave me out. Cause I actually want to get out of this sinking ship and you just want to keep pulling me back in. 

these are the eyes I should know most…

These are the eyes I should know the most. 

When you look into mine can you see the scars you’ve left on my soul?

 

You were supposed to be my home

But instead you were my great unknown 

 

What type of man is it that leaves his child behind?

What type of man is it that wouldn’t know his child from their eyes

 

Instead of showing me love 

You showed me lies

 

I guess you taught me in your own fucked up way

you taught me strength when you showed me weakness with your good-byes

And your lies 

And the way you never tried showed me strength

I learnt loyalty from you walking away

 

But these lessons all come with a side of pain 

 

Nothing replaces a parent who chooses not to stay

????

its been hard to write

I feel like a stranger to my mind

like there’s a gap between myself and me

and I’m floating in the in between

so there’s nothing concrete

so the words crumble as they spill out of my mouth

crumbs of me on the ground