????

its been hard to write

I feel like a stranger to my mind

like there’s a gap between myself and me

and I’m floating in the in between

so there’s nothing concrete

so the words crumble as they spill out of my mouth

crumbs of me on the ground

 

stranded at sea

 

stranded out at sea

nobody sees

there’s no safe haven anymore

no one to pull me up to shore

no life jacket to float

no oxygen mask while I choke

no one to run to with open arms

and no where to run to anymore

I reach out but no one sees me

and all I see is myself

 

 

 

 

 

Permanent soul in a transient world ??

Is our search for meaning and purpose really just a search for permanency in an other-wise transient universe?

Someway to still remain, after we no longer do?

 

Some choose to be writers; and leave their words behind.

Others choose to be lovers; and build a family that might last through time.

Are we all just trying to find a way for our souls to echo through time and space and a way to forever remain?

how I long (to be free)

there are so many parts of myself that I hide from everyone else. I don’t know if i’ll ever be able to be free in my on skin; my own body. my mind tends to hide doesn’t like to share. is scared. so scared. takes other peoples values to high puts itself down too low. tends to mould… into whatever, whatever people think will be best. whatever I think will be best? why don’t I want to be known for alllll that I am, why is there always parts that can’t be shown and will they ever be ready, will I ever be ready? am I ever really myself? or just parts of someone else that I put together the way I see it best. I’m scared that I will never know me. and that is why no one else ever will either. and i’m not sure what to do with ¬†that. I spend so much time alone just getting to know ME how sad is that… it seems so silly. but it’s all true so what is there now left to do? to help make myself something see-through something people can see… something I can see. i’m tired of hiding and i’m tired of feeling like i’m lying. I just want to be myself I just want to feel free

I just want to be me. (be free)

 

(explosive) expression

repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repressrepress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.repress.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.REPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS.EXPRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

rebirth rebirth rebirth …. cont’

to flourish from the sorrow stained soil – to grow out of the dark depths of the dirt – to flow towards the burning embers of the sun and feel the warmth run down my spine- to nourish me once more